I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Four minutes until I can fart!
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
