I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
