He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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