for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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