he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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