Already got asked if we're dating
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
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