Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
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