Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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