we have pet lesbian snakes
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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