Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
My ATM looks so different sober.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
