You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
