i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
He has the fingertips of a God
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