After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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