How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
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