so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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