I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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