I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
