is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Randomize
