You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
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