So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
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