I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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