Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
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