if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
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