I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize