Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Randomize
