Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
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