I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Randomize
