My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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