Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Randomize
