So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
