Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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