I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
