dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
