What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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