Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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