She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
