He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Randomize
