doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
