she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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