C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
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