I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize