I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
