I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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