She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
