you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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