Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
