Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
