God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Alive.
So much puke
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize