My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
foreskin is a definite game changer
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
