I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
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