is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
