Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize