I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
