Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Randomize
