That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
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