Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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