Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
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