I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
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