He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
