who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
