Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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