Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I did not marry a roomba.
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