I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
