Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
You are a booty call, not a friend.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
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