Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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