Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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