I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Randomize
