So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Randomize
